Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Iron Resiliency, Session 5: Staying Focused

It's easy to be focused
when you stay calm.

Tackling a situation when you're emotionally-charged is one of the worst ways to handle a situation. If your feelings are all over the place, especially at the extreme ends, your actions tend to be more erratic. Whether sad or angry in the heat of the moment, you're less likely to be accountable for whatever you do.

However, it's also a problem if you're not getting it off your chest. Repeatedly going over it in your head doesn't make you feel better and neither does it fix the problem. Fortunately, there's a middle ground to utilize.

Most times we need someone who will listen when we talk. That can be a family member, friend, significant other, or anyone who will give us the time and just listen. As helpful as it is, the conflict still remains unresolved.

I said last week if you have a conflict with someone you know then you should speak to them. We can do it in a specific manner that's structured enough where it won't (a) worsen the situation and (b) lead to another argument. This will allow you to defend your own goals as well making the other person more receptive to your efforts.
1) Let the argument/confrontation cool off. Go do something and give it a day or two before you return to the subject. When you're not hot-headed, return to converse.

2) Go over what happened in your eyes and why it bothered you. They may have not seen it like that from their own point of view.

3) Tell the other person how you felt by what occurred. If they know you're serious and they truly stepped their bounds unknowingly, they'll be more understanding.

4) Describe your goals and what your plan is to achieve them. If they're genuinely interested, they can help and take a proactive role in your endeavors.

5) List the benefits of your goal(s). Improved self-esteem? Better health? Stronger? What is it and why is it important to you?
Sometimes people jump the gun on their judgments and their tongue may slip resulting in a fight.

It happens.

But we shouldn't carry ourselves in a bad mood for the rest of the time. It isn't conducive to a good relationship and it doesn't help our own well-being. Take a stance, be mature, and state what's going on. Talking in a calm collected manner is better received than yelling at another person.

If there's one thing that always helps it's effective communication.

Next week I'll finish up with the final session, include a program to bolster confidence, and have a conclusion near the end of the week.

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